Beautiful woman working

Does Being Social Shows ‘Loose’ Woman?

Hi Monica, Simone this side from Delhi! So I’ve been reading your column, and I think at least you won’t judge me as people have been of late. I’m 26 now, and I just got married last year. My relationship with my husband is great! I’m also a cheery, bubbly person who’s quite social, so I made a lot of friends at work too. People at work, especially the men, know that I’m married, but my friendliness is being taken to mean that I’m some sort of ‘loose’ woman. A lot of people are asking me if I’m in an open relationship, or if I would have casual sex with them. Some people even commented on my clothing – even though I don’t wear skimpy outfits at work, and reserve those for my private parties, or gatherings with those I know intimately. I don’t want this to be a problem, and I certainly don’t want my husband to be bothered by this. What should I do?

Oh, Simone, how I understand your pain! I’ve experienced this personally too, and you’ll be surprised that both men and women are prone to such absurd assumptions, simply because you’re friendly and easygoing. The only thing to be pleased about is that you know that you’re attractive if you’re getting such attention.

office working womenHowever, for them to think that you’re ‘loose’ is just a big, big problem. As a woman, this can be doubly tough and affect your work and home life. So I’m just going to give you a small checklist of things to do! Since many people think that you’re ‘open and approachable’, their ignorance makes them think ‘she must want to have casual sex with me’. It’s a big leap, but people are weird. The main solution here is to limit and condition your interactions. While this sounds harsh, it’s actually quite simple.

  • Gauge the people who you spend time with. Are they single? Committed? Do you guys often talk about sexual things, or do they seem to casually bring that up in a totally unrelated conversation? If yes, then that may need to take a back seat where you firmly stick to things that make up for friendly, work-centric conversation.
  • What amount of time are you spending with the people who ask you for casual sex? If it’s too frequent, cut that down. You don’t have to be socially available to everyone who seeks company, or conversation for that matter. It takes time to limit this, but trust me, this will also give you added peace of mind. This goes double for social media interactions.
  • Mix and match your group. If you trust a couple of women friends at work, make sure they join you if you spend time outside work hours with other men who are also friends. Guys are less likely to make advances – and I would suggest involving your husband in these social circles, to give him an ‘added presence’ factor. This will definitely discourage them, once they have a good idea that you’re happily married.
  • Use filters in social media to limit their access to your personal life. Draw the line between work-oriented, friendly people and those from your more intimate social circle so that assumptions about your friends don’t arise. If it’s a professional social network like LinkedIn, check if all your images and media are purely work-oriented.

It’s sad that we live in a world where friendship has to be complicated by horny people and their sexual urges – but we must do what we can to make sure that it doesn’t dominate our lives. I hope you find some men (and women) who are content with just forming healthy friendships with you!

About the Author

Monica

Monica is a moniker for our relationship expert. She's been working as a relationship counselor for over 10 years, and over time, has sharpened her personality. Unlike typical counselors, Monica is not afraid to use a harsher method to resolve certain issues that demand it. Even if she's a virtual entity now, she can still see into your soul.

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