Handling the pain of Separation

Hello, Monica. This is Preethi from Chennai here. I now have found the courage to come to this platform, but I’ve been terribly depressed lately. I just separated from my husband, who I was married to for 6 years. I feel lonely, sad and my days feel like I don’t have any purpose, despite having a job. We had some serious issues, which is why we had to get the divorce. My friends are telling me to give it a second chance, but I don’t know if I’m up for that – or even seeing anybody else right now. What should I do?

Preethi, Preethi, Preethi. Thanks for coming to Monica, because bottling all that nonsense up is not good for the soul. You need to let that shit out, and I’m glad you chose to do it here!

So, the first thing to do is to actually congratulate yourself. Yeah, just treat yourself to a nice massage or something because you’re actually better off putting an end to all things that are toxic in your life. Some of us take too long to realize what is harming us, especially when it comes to a relationship, so you go, girl!

As for second chances: We all look back at our failed relationships and think we should have done something else. Something better. We think second chances will salvage things. But think about this: a divorce doesn’t just show up because you didn’t give someone a second chance! You must have thought about it a lot before going through with this! I think sticking with your decision would be the best thing to do right now.

Seeing other people is all well and good, but you need some ‘me’ time. It’s also good that you’re not having any rebound sex, or any random flings because that stuff tends to happen when you suddenly get lonely. You know what? Take a break from work. A vacation to someplace nice and quiet would actually help you think about stuff in your head. Take up an activity that you always wanted to do.

A divorce or separation from a partner is always hard. It’s a time where you might think you’re falling apart, but you’re also being remade. You need to realize your self-worth, and you need to know that your identity is not tied to who you’re married to, or who you’re with. Once you begin to love yourself, you’ll subconsciously attract people who see the beauty in you. No need to go do all that hard work right now, so kick back and take that well-deserved break!

About the Author


Monica is a moniker for our relationship expert. She's been working as a relationship counselor for over 10 years, and over time, has sharpened her personality. Unlike typical counselors, Monica is not afraid to use a harsher method to resolve certain issues that demand it. Even if she's a virtual entity now, she can still see into your soul.

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