pre wedding depression Illness

Pre-Wedding Depression-Illness

What do I mean when I talk about illness? As it turns out, illness has more to do with the notion of time, and all the implications that come with it. We also include both mental and physical illnesses in our definition, as both of them are equally grueling. The situation to consider is: What if the person you’re marrying contracts a terminal disease, or has contracted one? What if you’re in their shoes, as someone who’s affected?

Both of these are extremely delicate, fragile situations. Asking someone to imagine it might not be the most sensible thing to do. But these situations rarely come with warning signs, and preparing yourself mentally is perhaps the most you can do to not add the ailment of depression to your existing stack of problems.

All couples on the verge of marriage envisage a life together, which is beyond the scope of a mere few years. We envisage spending time with that person, creating meaningful memories at different stages of life with that person – we envisage a future, where longevity in a relationship is as important as the intensity of it. We wish to grow old with our partners.

Naturally, if you’re faced with such an issue, then these are a few questions that are bound to spring up in your mind:

  • How long will the two of us have?
  • How bad will this condition get?
  • What can I do to make things better, or to alleviate their pain?
  • What kind of future am I looking at with this person?

The first thing to do is get all the factual clarity you can from a doctor. This is the love of your life, and if he/she truly matters, then you need to know all sides of their illness in your capacity to do so. The first two questions in that regard will be answered by the healthcare specialist alone.

cosulting doc
Mental illnesses can be very challenging, especially because mood-swings and other emotive aspects get directly tied to the illness itself, making reality and perception a blur. Plus, depression always accompanies people who are terminally ill (mentally or physically) because they begin losing hope, their will to fight the disease or even live with it. Depression is usually combined with thoughts of self-loathing and suicide, which is common with those who have been told that they don’t have much time to live.

Loving and caring for a terminally ill partner is perhaps one of the hardest things to do in life because you’re watching their vitality crumble before your very eyes – and you’re in love with this person like none other can be. You also cannot consider them to be a burden, as all of this is the labor of love – do you think that they themselves haven’t had that thought of: What if I’m just a hurdle for my husband or wife? Why are they not just leaving me? Can I go on like this?

You yourself will also be prone to the same depressive symptoms, where you question why you’re even going on like this. But love isn’t really about the ease of it all. It isn’t about fixed schedules, predictable lives, and definitive endings. Love isn’t really scripted.

Love is about grand gestures and sacrifices, and it is indeed about sharing every emotion from sadness to happiness, to sorrow and pain, to hope and satisfaction. When you decide to marry someone, do not simply ignore that part which tells you to take them as they are, in sickness and in health. Give them the love and support they need so that you yourself don’t devolve into a spiral of self-loathing and helplessness.

While these are the emotional aspects of bracing for a wedded life with your loved one – no matter if they are terminally ill – there are also certain practical aspects that I have to outline, to give you the complete picture. Weddings are not simply emotional gestures – they combine socio-cultural and economic aspects too.

happy couple

Going to a therapist or counselor can help you straighten things out from time to time. Apart from individual counseling, you need to be able to open up completely with your fiancé, so that there are no misconceptions about what you think this relationship is.

This will clear out things like What are my ultimate needs? What is the vision for our wedded life together? Can I express my feelings to my spouse without him/her getting adversely affected? What is my role in their life as a supporter and a healer?

Beyond all this, however, lies the most ultimate learning, which is the insight you need to see what your relationship is really going to be: a fantasy built on some vague notions of love, or a practical understanding of what it’s potential really is!

We know that it’s never going to be easy, no matter how many articles you read or how much understanding you acquire. However, you also need to understand what goes into it, which is why we try our best to lead you to the right ways of dealing with these situations, so stay tuned for further entries and insights into pre-wedding depression, one post at a time.

About the Author


Monica is a moniker for our relationship expert. She's been working as a relationship counselor for over 10 years, and over time, has sharpened her personality. Unlike typical counselors, Monica is not afraid to use a harsher method to resolve certain issues that demand it. Even if she's a virtual entity now, she can still see into your soul.

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