Pre-wedding Depression

Pre-Wedding Depression

The words themselves may seem tame at first glance. But before I say anything more about it, I’d like to start with a mini-testimonial.

“I was fully equipped to deal with post-wedding anxiety and depression. Of course, one has to have some sort of mental preparation or counseling in order to realize that one long chapter of your life is beginning, while another is ending. So, I knew that I would feel a sense of loss, of longing, and leaving what was my ultimate comfort zone: my own family.

Thankfully, I don’t really have any post-wedding depression. But it turns out I was preparing for the wrong thing…sometimes, what comes before a wedding is far, far more challenging and mind-numbing than what comes after.”

This brings me to the topic of pre-wedding depression. The main problem about pre-wedding depression is, that it’s something that just gets confused with pre-wedding ‘jitters’. Let me make this very, very clear. Jitters are NOT depression. So obviously, when you google pre-wedding depression, all you get are results for jitters and that really, really doesn’t solve the problem some of you might just be facing before your wedding!

The word ‘depression’ is thrown around as lightly as OCD, or anxiety, but it’s meaning is far more dangerous for someone who is going get roped into the emotional complexities of marriage. Since we also come from different cultures, there’s a lot of social issues also that are inevitably involved.

We all mostly know that depression itself is a serious medical illness that negatively impacts how you feel. You can feel a variety of symptoms, and they can range from mild to very severe, like:

  • Feeling sad or having a depressed mood
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed
  • Changes in appetite — weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting
  • Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
  • Loss of energy or increased fatigue
  • Thoughts of death or suicide
  • Feeling worthless or guilty

All these can occur to you if you’re feeling depressed before your wedding. If you experience a combination of these feelings and they take over your mind, then it’s time to seek help, and fast. The obvious question is, why should you be chronically depressed over something like a wedding? A wedding is all that is normally supposed to make you happy: you making a long commitment with someone you love, someone who you’re going to share the rest of your life with! It’s supposed to be a celebration of true love – why does it involve emotional torture and anxiety?

Well, the reasons are many – and they can be different for different cultures.

For example, India has the culture of arranged marriages. Here, your parents often pick out a suitable bride/groom for you and there might be many instances where the woman and man don’t even like each other. It becomes more of a social contract. Of course, it’s not something exclusive to India – conservative families around the world indulge in this.

Arranged Marriage

India also has the complicated factor of caste. Inter-caste love marriages or even arranged ones get a tremendous judgment from society, and may even result in the couple being shunned from the community without any financial or other support that normally comes with a wedding.

In other countries, same-sex marriages are a big step for people. While tolerance has increased, it doesn’t always mean that everyone treats these in the same, benevolent, celebratory way. You can get abused, physically and emotionally tortured, and alienated from your family and community. Even thinking of these consequences can lull you into depression.

Same sex marriage

There are loads of other reasons as to why depression may occur. If there are any potentially damaging secrets kept from the other party, it may eat you up. We’ve seen all sorts of secrets being aired at the last moment – impotence, for example, is frowned upon. Now if one comes clean about it, then there’s always a chance of acceptance – but society has already stigmatized impotence to such a level that people don’t feel comfortable telling their potential life partners this until it’s too late.

Other men or women in your life, your relationship with other family members, numerous health conditions – there are too many things that can get in the way of your so-called perfect wedding, and some of it may be so socially dangerous that it impacts you very negatively. All of these aspects form the road to pre-wedding depression, and it’s not healthy at all.

Pre Wed Stress

In our later posts, we shall go into detail as to what it is and more importantly: how can one realize it impacts on us, and what can we do to get out of it? Here, I simply want to highlight that yes, if you are experiencing the symptoms of clinical depression before your wedding, then you’re not alone.

Pre-wedding depression is a real thing, and seeking counseling for the same would be the smartest first step. Let’s build healthy marriages that last a lifetime!

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1 thought on “Pre-Wedding Depression

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      About 70 days to my wedding and I’m so sad I feel lost and can’t talk about it because people automatically think “oh what’s wrong do you not love him”. I do I can’t see my life without him. But crying as I write this I AM DEPRESSED and I don’t know why. I’ve let myself go along with everything else around me. 😥

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