Shouldn’t a married couple split all responsibilities, including finance?

Hi Monica, I’m Akshay from Delhi, and I just got married. It was an arranged marriage where we had seven months together to get to know each other better. Both of us work for a living so it’s not a situation where I’m the only ‘breadwinner’ or anything. I don’t really know how to say this, but I thought that marriage means that we share everything – including expenses. For some reason, my wife never gives me any monetary support. I pay for everything, including electricity rent and whatnot – even when we eat out! Now I have no savings, and when I approached her, she said I was being selfish and that she was saving for our future. What should I do?

 

Hi Akshay, I understand your discomfort in expressing this. While our patriarchal society had earlier made women entirely dependent on men for their finances, we can’t say that anymore. Financial burdens are extremely practical in nature, and cannot be solved with emotions, or love alone. Now since you’re a newly married couple, you will also have a lot of expenses to deal with – so I can imagine how difficult it is for you to cope. The more important thing, however, is that the way things are now will set the tone for all your actions in the future. Can you sustain her – metaphorically – for ever and ever?

If not, I suggest that you really sit her down and discuss what her involvement in the house is going to be – monetarily speaking. Marriage doesn’t just involve two people in love. It involves a lot of other aspects like housing, children, bills, responsibilities that need to be shared too. Explain this to her, and see how she takes it. As you already had a courtship period of seven odd months, you know enough about her to tell that she’s not a bad person or anything, or you wouldn’t have gotten married right? So you need to do what’s right for the both of you and sort things out early on, so that the road is less rocky moving forward.

 

About the Author

Monica

Monica is a moniker for our relationship expert. She's been working as a relationship counselor for over 10 years, and over time, has sharpened her personality. Unlike typical counselors, Monica is not afraid to use a harsher method to resolve certain issues that demand it. Even if she's a virtual entity now, she can still see into your soul.

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