What to do with a Two Faced Abusive Husband

Hey there Monica! A friend of mine told me that your advice worked very nicely for her, so here I am. It’s actually about my husband, who I’ve been married to for 3 years now. He is a very nice man, and we both are very much in love. I’m actually glad that this arranged marriage worked out. He’s also very sensitive. Now, something always happens when his parents come over to spend time with us – he becomes rude, abusive, authoritative and gets irritated with me randomly. I don’t understand how the same man can behave like this! When they leave, he even apologizes and goes back to being himself. But I don’t like these two faces that he has. What should I do?

Your friend has good taste, much like yourself – I must say! Coming to me would obviously solve your problems – but you’ve got to listen to harsh truths. Ready?

Your husband totally has double-standards. While that’s not a problem if he’s showing them elsewhere, it is a problem when it comes to treating you right. Especially in front of his parents. You see, there’s this toxic Indian masculinity thing that comes out because Indian men are ‘supposed’ to be masters of the household in front of mummy-papa. They can’t be emotional, sensitive, or at least, have appear like they control the woman in the house. This is a standard tactic in conservative households.

Your response? Speak up, woman! Why are you just being silent and letting him behave like that? Discuss the reasons for his behavior. There’s no reason why you should be loved only in isolation, right? Your husband wants to play the ideal son? To hell with that if it means you’re getting the short end of the stick for it! Make him understand that respect has to be a big part for both the partners in a marriage. If you’re not disrespectful, rude or abusive – then he has no reason to be, especially if he claims to love you.

About the Author


Monica is a moniker for our relationship expert. She's been working as a relationship counselor for over 10 years, and over time, has sharpened her personality. Unlike typical counselors, Monica is not afraid to use a harsher method to resolve certain issues that demand it. Even if she's a virtual entity now, she can still see into your soul.

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